Times in Which Stanford Pines Isn't A Terrible Boss
by HowAboutThat
Summary: Basically "one-shots" that show Stan bonding with his employees. It'll turn into a story eventually, but until the this is what you're getting. What I'm thinking it's gonna be: Hurt/Comfort, Family, Friendship, Angst (because I can't stay away from it for some reason), (maybe) Crime, (perhaps) Tragedy, and NO ROMANCE BETWEEN THE THREE! [Written before Tale of Two Stans][ON HIATUS]
1. Popsicles

HAT: Yes, I'm doing it. Anyway, the reason this came up was because Stan said, " _I even petitioned the government to have this day removed from calendars. Now I'm not allowed on airplanes,_ " in the episode where it's Soos' birthday and I thought, " _Awww! Stan actually cares about Soos! I bet he also cares about Wendy, too! Oh, the plot bunnies are attacking!_ " and so this happened! Hope you enjoy!

 **Disclaimer: I own nothing aside from the plots and any convenient OCs that may come in the future. Onward Aoshima!**

* * *

Stanford Pines hasn't had children around for a very long time so to have one as a worker was something else. The kid came around at the best time and he shoved him into work without so much as another glance at him. After the first day the child's grandmother came and threatened him to watch after her grandson and Stanford- as expected- promised to save himself from her wrath and now he's starting to realize just how much work that might be to save his hide.

Jesus- or Soos as he insists on being called- sits on the front steps of the Mystery Shack with his sad eyes on the ground and something in his hands. Stanford had never seen the boy as anything, but a happy, overeager puppy- er- child and if he were honest with himself he doesn't like it- and not just because it's bad for business for a sad child to be in the front of the Mystery Shack.

 _Well, it's in between tours..._ Stanford thinks, twirling his keys as he does when he's waiting for something- or, most of the time, someone- and left to his thoughts. "Jesus!"

The kid looks up and puts whatever was in his hands in his pocket. "Yes, Mr. Pines? And, I wanna be called Soos."

"Yeah, whatever," grumbles the man as he walks by and feels the money in his pocket. "Wanna go get some ice-cream?"

The boy smiles tentatively before frowning thoughtfully. "What's the catch?"

"The catch is answer before I change my mind," Stanford growls as he stops twirling his keys and holds them firmly in his hand and looks at the child behind him.

The boy wearing the staff shirt grins and rushes to walk beside his boss. The older man ruffles the child's hair and then quickly drops his hand back at his side. It'd been the longest since he's seen his own children as young as this and he decides that maybe he'll do a better job with this one that isn't his.

 _Heck, even I'd be a better dad than that chump that abandoned him,_ Stanford thinks, knowing how terrible of a person he can be.

"Gimme one of those," Stanford grumbles, pointing to the double popsicles and pulling out one dollar. He breaks it in half and gives one half to Soos. "Here."

Soos stands there as Stanford starts to eat his and the man pauses, looking at the child whose face is hidden by the shadows of his hair since his head is tilted downward.

"Hey, are you gonna eat that or what?" That's when he hears sniffling. The man starts to panic. "Look, I can get ya something else, don't cry."

"N-no," the boy says, his voice cracking with tears. "I'm just... happy... thank you for being so kind to me."

The man turns and coughs into his fist awkwardly, a light smile tugging at the corners of his lips. "Don't mention it... _ever_... now, c'mon. We've gotta put the "S" back on the sign."

"Yes, sir, Mr. Pines!"

"Finish eating that popsicle on the way."

The child immediately starts eating the popsicle gratefully as he walks beside the owner of the Mystery Shack.

* * *

HAT: Yes! Oh, this may seem like random one-shots, but eventually they'll end come together for a plot that will become one!

Dipper: You're really gonna do this? I mean, I've seen all the incomplete stories on your thing. you should really finish one or two of them.

HAT: Not now, Dipper! I'm on a Gravity Falls kick.

Dipper: *sighs* Alright...

HAT: *pokes Dipper's cheek* Do it.

Dipper: No! Stop! You're so immature for someone that's almost an adult!

HAT: Please... I'll be immature even when I'm an "adult" so deal with it and do it. *pokes him again*

Dipper: *frowns and sighs* Fine. *puts on lamb costume and smiles adorably* Pwease revwew.

HAT: Awww!

Dipper: This is so humiliating.

HAT: *rolls eyes* C'mon, I'll get you some bacon.

Dipper: *blinks* You never share your bacon! What's the catch.

HAT: Don't make me change my mind on being generous. *waves to readers* Have a great day... night... rest of your day? You get the point!


	2. After Hours

HAT: Yay! The second chapter has finally arrived! And now I think "Onward Aoshima" is just gonna be how I end my disclaimers because it's just plain cool. Anyway, this is where things are being pulled out of thin air so.. enjoy!

 **Disclaimer: I own nothing aside from the plots and any convenient OCs that may come in the future. Onward Aoshima!**

* * *

It had been a good day. The tour went without a hitch and there was a comfortable amount of extra cash in Stanford Pine's pocket. It'd been about five months since he'd gotten his youngest employee and he was proving to be a handful. The number of times he had to catch him from the roof or some other high place or pry him from some space that he can no longer fit in was ridiculous, but so long as he avoided this boy's grandmother's wrath as well as save himself the guilt of having the kid work in such a semi-dangerous position.

Currently there is only Stan and Soos in the Shack as everything is closed for the day and they are merely waiting for the boy's guardian to come for him.

"Mr. Pines, can I go to the bathroom?"

Stan groans and pinches the bridge of his nose. "Listen, Soos, I know school kinda brainwashed you into thinking you've gotta ask for permission for _everything_ , but you don't have to ask me to use the bathroom." The boy still stands- or rather dances in place- waiting for an answer. The old man sighs and rolls his eyes. "Yes, you can use the bathroom."

"Thank you!" Calls the boy as he runs towards the bathroom.

Stan groans and rolls his eyes only to catch a movement. He continues to recount his money for the third time. By the fourth time he was sure of the numbers and placed the money in the correct place before he feels something tug at his jacket.

"Huh?"

"Abuelita's working late tonight so she can't come get me... Do you mind if I stay here a little longer?"

 _Gee, that's the third time this month... but then again, she's the only one taking care of him,_ Stanford thinks as he looks down at the hopeful kid. He can understand that the woman is doing her best to take care of her grandson since his mother had died during childbirth and his father was something that Stan can't say in front of the kid so whenever the woman was going to be work a while longer he let Soos stay a bit longer until she came for him- usually no later than ten.

"Yeah, sure, kid... Hungry?"

"Uh-huh."

Stan does into the back and throws a TV dinner into the microwave and as soon as it's finished he gives it to the boy and then makes himself one. He glances at the child as he sits in front of the TV eating with a smile on his face about whatever his favorite character was doing. Stan also recorded a few episodes of kid's shows that Soos could watch since his grandmother was a bit protective at the moment. He would normally just turn it to something he'd enjoy, but apparently- what was this?- Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles? was good enough for Soos to quiet down and watch with intensity.

When he hears the microwave beep he grabs his own dinner and goes to sit in his arm chair, pulling Soos back from the TV. "You're gonna ruin your eyes, sit back."

"But Mr. Pines," the boy whines.

"No 'buts,'" Stan growls as he sits in his armchair. "If you're gonna watch TV you're gonna watch it away from it."

"Yes, Mr. Pines."

After several minutes his phone rings and he gets up with their trays at hand and answers. "Hello?"

"Hello, Señor Pines, it's Dolores. I'm not going to be able to come get Soos for a few more hours. Can you look after him tonight?"

'Um... sure, no problem."

"Just make sure he's in bed by ten."

"Okay."

"Goodbye."

"Bye."

He puts the phone on the receiver and throws away the trays before going back to the living room and glancing at the clock. It's about nine thirty so he should be putting Soos to sleep in thirty minutes. He puts in another tape and sits down. Soos has made himself comfortable leaning against the armchair and watches the show with rapt attention while Stan pulls out a book and begins to read. After fifteen or so minutes he feels a warm weight on his leg and looks over to see Soos fast asleep.

 _Kid's tuckered out..._ He picks up the boy with a grunt and places him on the chair before he goes into the kitchen and rolls up his sleeves to do the dishes- as he's been avoiding for a few days. There's not much to do to pass the time without kicking the kid out of his chair other than neglected chores- or so he thinks.

"Dad..."

"Huh?" Stan pokes his head into the living room and sees Soos tossing and turning anxiously.

"Where are you?"

"Oh, crap," the man grumbles when he sees the kid _crying_. He walks over and glances around as if that will help him find a solution when- in all actuality- it does not. The child lets out another whimper and Stan- despite how his body protests- crouches down and ruffles the boy's hair. "I'm here, kid... just... rest easy."

Much to his surprise Soos relaxes and sighs with a smile, content. He gets up and turns only to feel tiny hands crab his suit jacket. With a sigh he picks the kid up and sits down, putting him on his lap so that he can have his seat back and keep the boy from waking up and having a restless sleep.

He flips through channels, bored and trying to pass time for the next few hours before there is a knock on the door. He adjusts the boy so his head is resting on his shoulder and goes to the door to check who is at his door.

"Señor Pines?"

He opens the door and sees just how tired she looks. "Yeesh! Hey- uh... want me to come with you to put him to bed?"

"That would be very helpful," she admits with a grateful smile.

He places Soos in the back and puts the seatbelt on before settling himself in the passenger's seat. Once at her house he grabs her grandson and walks with her into her home and places the boy in the bed and takes off his shoes and hat and places them where the woman tells him to.

"There..."

"Thanks you," she says and kisses his cheek.

He blushes, not used to this treatment and scratches the back of his head. "I-I'm- uh- no problem..."

 _Interesting development... how about that,_ Stan thinks as he enters his home an hour later (A/N: C'mon! I couldn't help it! I _had_ to make him acknowledge me without actually acknowledging me).

* * *

HAT: Yay! So, you're pretty soft, huh, Stan?

Stan: *frowns* I have nothing, but a cold, dark, empty soul.

HAT: That's what you said before Mabel found out about your crush on Lazy Susan.

Stan: Shut up. Besides, his grandma couldn't care less about me.

HAT: She was grateful! You know she's broke so she wasn't gonna _pay_ you for taking care os Soos.

Stan: *crosses arms and rolls eyes* Whatever.

HAT: Will you please say it?

Stan: *stays quiet*

HAT: I'm not paying you for it.

Stan: *stays quiet*

HAT: *tosses him bacon*

Stan: *catches it* Review. *gobbles bacon up*

HAT: *eats some bacon* Yum!


	3. Defense

HAT: I'm glad to see some positive feedback! Now here's where we see Papa Stan defend his boy- er- employee.

 **Disclaimer: I own nothing aside from the plots and any convenient OCs that may come in the future. Onward Aoshima!**

* * *

"Mr. Pines! Help!"

 _Not again,_ Stanford thinks as he pauses getting ready for the next tour, but rushes out to the front to see Soos dangling from the roof with all of his sharp and dangerous tools below him. "Oy vey, kid, you're gonna give me a heart attack one day!"

"I can't hold on much longer!" Soos whimpers.

Stan moves all the tools to the side and holds out his arms. "Alright, let go!" Soos whimpers and tries unsuccessfully to pull himself back onto the roof. "Don't you trust me, Soos? I'll catch you, kid! Just. Let. Go!"

After a few more seconds Soos lets go and Stan catches the large twelve year old and brings him to his chest as he falls onto his back painfully. When he's sure that Soos is alright he shoves the child off and swallows as much air as he can before he sits up straight. He notices the boy staring at him in bewilderment and merely gets up and dusts himself off, not wanting to deal with unnecessary conversation.

"Thank you, Mr. Pines," the boy says.

"Yeah, yeah," grumbles the old man as he pops his back into place. "Don't mention it... _ever_. Now get back to work and be more careful next time. I've got a tour coming up and we can't have dead kids in front of the Shack- it's bad for business."

That doesn't make the smile on the child's face go away as he watches his boss retreat into the Mystery Shack to get ready for the next batch of tourists. Despite how gruff he can be one can never say that he didn't care about Soos at all. He'd never admit it, but he's become a bit protective of the boy (and it's not just because he still has a death threat if harm comes to the boy) so when the boy shouts for help he runs to check on the situation much like he'd done when the boy was on the roof.

He hears the bus pull up and it halts all his thoughts. "Alright, show time," he murmurs as he puts on his eyepatch and grabs his 8-ball cane.

The tour goes off without a hitch- much to Stanford's delight. He stands at the counter, waiting for the next customer to come to ring up their purchase when he hears a thud and a familiar voice let out a painfuller exclamation. He turns and sees a slightly older boy on his chest punching his employee in the face as hard as he can and Stan- from where he is standing- can see blood.

Without hesitation he rushes around the counter and grabs the boy by his collar and picks him up roughly. "What's going on here?!"

The boy in his grasp gapes from Stan to Soos then back again before stuttering, "I-i-it was _his_ fault! He shoved me and then started beating me up!"

Stan's frown deepens. "Soos, it this true?"

"No!"

Stan stays quite for a moment, wondering exactly what way to go about this. His parents are paying customers and he doesn't want to lose money, but when he glances down at a beaten Soos with blood on his face and shirt and a forming bruise on his eye he can't bring himself to think of the money his parents could bring. He feels so much anger inside of him it's a wonder he hasn't punched this punk kid already for hurting his employee.

"I don't tolerate violence other than the violence I cause," Stan says, going to the door and throwing the child to the ground beyond the stairs.

"Greyson!" A woman shouts, getting to her child and her husband glares up at him.

"We're never coming to this establishment again!" The husband says.

"Fine, who needs ya. You're a bunch of bullies anyway," Stanford grumbles as he slams the door on them. "Good riddance... you okay, kid?"

Soos pushes himself up and wobbles enough to cause his boss to put his hand on his shoulder to steady him. "Yes... thanks, Mr. Pines."

Stanford gruffly looks away. "Don't mention it... C'mon, it's slow at the moment, let's get you taken care of." The two enter the "employees only" section of the Mystery Shack and go directly to the kitchen where Stan immediately grabs a steak and places it on the forming black eye. "Keep that on there."

"Yes, Mr. Pines."

"Hurting too badly?"

"No," he says, but winces when he moves to get more comfortable.

The old man grabs painkillers and a glass of water. "Take these and stay back here. I'm gonna try and get the shop closed early and get you back home."

"You don't have to do that, Mr. Pines!"

"No arguments, kid, I've made up my mind!"

Soon enough the Shack is empty and Stanford is checking on Soos' wounds. When he's satisfied that the child is okay enough to go home he leads him to his car and drives him to his home. He knows that he is going to have the woman yell at him and more than likely hit him in anger, but this is her grandson so he can deal with it. He is sure that if anything were to happen to any of his remaining family members got hurt that he'd be the one to deal with whoever did it or whoever was supposed to be watching their back.

"Come on," Stanford grunts and leads the boy to the house and knocks on the door.

"Come in!"

Stanford opens the door and pushes the kid in front of him. "Had to stop work early and bring Jesùs home."

"Oh? Why?" Dolores asks before walking out of the back and seeing her grandchild. "What happened?!"

"The kid got into a fight and I had to step in," answers Stanford. "I'm sorry he got hurt on my watch."

"Jesùs, go to your room," Dolores says. When she hears the door close she sneaks forward. "You said that you would take care of him!"

"I'm sorry! The kid was on the ground getting beat before I noticed. I got the kid offa him as fast as I could, but..." He trails off and glances to the ground, unable to meet her furious gaze.

 _Geez, for a small woman she can sure be terrifying,_ he can't help, but think.

The woman observes him for another moment before backing up. "Alright... do you want to stay for dinner? I think we can have a bit of steak."

"Ha! Good one! Yeah, sure, I'll have some dinner," he says.

"Mr. Pines is staying for dinner?" Soos asks as he walks out of his bedroom.

"Yep!" Stanford says.

The three of them eat and laugh and Stanford eventually goes home, feeling a bit closer to the family now, but he'll have to sever that a little just in case. He can't have his past coming up again because if he does, it won't turn out too well, he's sure.

 _But maybe it won't be too bad to have someone there,_ he thinks as he pulls into his driveway. _Yeah, I'll keep the kid around. He's gonna need someone to act as some sort of father, I guess._

* * *

HAT: Yay! Another chapter! It's past my bed time, but I usually don't go to sleep until about 11 anyway!

Mabel: It's so cool to see what happened before Dipper and I came here!

HAT: Most likely none of this happened, but... sure.

Mabel: You're no fun.

HAT: I'm the one that falls into random black holes all the time!

Mabel: *giggles* That is true. Oh, I was supposed to say something to the readers, wasn't I, HAT?

HAT: Yep.

Mabel: Pretty please with cherries, sprinkles, whipped cream, and bacon on top review this story that HAT was working on.


	4. Natural Redhead

HAT: Now let's put Wendy in the mix! Also, for the question asked on if I believe the Stan Swap Theory here's my answer: Maybe. It's possible, _but_ I also like to think that they are in their regular bodies. I don't settle on either yes or no because I- quite frankly- don't care all that much. Sure, I get into things and fangirl over them, but over all I don't care, I just wanna know how it resolves.

 **Disclaimer: So... characters aren't mine... but the plot is! Onward Aoshima (such a cool name)!**

* * *

Stanford leans against the counter with his finger tapping against the wood. There are no tours today so he has the day free for only those in town. Soos- now fourteen and in his first year of high school- is now replacing the snacks in the vending machine with a happy tune being hummed. Stanford glances over at his employee and thinks about how the past two years have been. He's stopped going to Dolores' house other than dropping him off occasionally when his grandmother isn't able to, but- despite the protests- Soos is determined to get adopted by Stanford. What he doesn't know is that he- in a way- has taken in the young man as a son.

The door opens and Stanford turns to see Manly Dan waking in with his daughter and son with him.

"Welcome to the Mystery Shack! How can I help you?" Stanford asks, straightening up and plastering a fake grin on his face that came with such ease that it was almost natural after all of these years.

"Do you have any new axes?"

 _Why come here for them? Isn't there a special store for that?_ Stanford can't help, but think, but instead he glances at the inventory and nods. "I think I've got a few axes."

"Are they right-handed?"

"I'm not sure, I'm not an expert," he admits, leading the family of redheads to where he has the axes and points up to the top shelf. "They're up there."

 _So that certain children don't mess with them,_ he thinks remembering the first time Soos had gone near the axes. Needless to say Stan nearly had a heart attack and ended up paying a little extra for the kid to keep quiet about it so that Dolores wouldn't kill him for being so irresponsible with her grandchild.

Stan would have walked away, but he knows how Manly Dan can be so he stands there with his arms crossed over his chest as he watches the lumberjack as he goes through the axes. He feels his joints aching a little by the time the large man seems to be remotely interested in one.

"I'm gonna test this and show my son how a real man chops down a tree!"

"Sure, just keep it from damaging my stuff" Stanford grumbles before realizing that the girl- no older than ten- is still standing there while her father and brother are running outside. "Wait! You forgot your other kid!"

"It's okay, they do this all the time," the girl states as if it were a fact instead of being a little upset about it.

He frowns and follows her forlornly gaze outside where the boy is rooting his father on as he chops down a tree. "Oh..."

What else was there to say with a girl that was just left temporarily in his care?

 _Wait, what?! This kid's not my responsibility!_ Stanford corrects himself, glancing around for his _actual_ responsibility. _Crap, he's no in here... where'd that klutz wander off to?_

"This is gonna take a while," the girl says, leaning against the shelf and making it wobble a bit so that the objects- mostly sharp ones- tittered to the edge.

Unconsciously he pushes the boxes of warp objects to a more secure position on the shelf and guides the girl away from what could be a cause of death. "Is that so?" Then he glances at the register when he hears a bell and internally curses at his rotten luck. And then the most brilliant idea struck him. "Hey, kid-"

"My name's Wendy," she informs.

"Wendy," he corrects himself. "Hows about I give you something to do until your dad gets back?"

"What?" She asks with a hint of wary curiosity in her voice.

"Man the register."

"I don't know how to do that," she says.

"Here, I'll teach ya real quick," he says, leading her behind the counter and showing her how to do things, being sure to answer her questions as best as he can before he's confident that he can leave her alone to search for Soos. He first circles the perimeter then goes into the employees only section to find Soos napping. He pinches the bridge of his nose and takes a few calming breaths before ht takes a newspaper and rolls it up. Once more he takes a calming breath before he hits the teen over the head. "Wake up! How'm'I supposed to make any money when you're lolly-gagging around like there isn't work to be done?"

"Sorry, Mr. Pines," Soos says, laughing it off good-naturedly. "I just got _really_ tired."

Now, Stanford had never been exactly a _normal_ person, but he was never as happy-go-lucky as Soos. He'd often lost his temper and beat someone or- before that- curled into a ball and cry when no one was looking in the confines of his room- or more specifically- his closet. He finds Soos' behavior to be more than a little strange. _Normal(ish)_ people would've blown a gasket over getting hit with a newspaper like a dog or would've demanded an answer, but they wouldn't _laugh it of_ unless it were some sort of thing that friends would do to each other.

"Nevermind," he groans and turns to the curtain that separated his home form his work. "I gotta see how this kid's doing on the register."

"What kid?"

The older man doesn't bother answering as he walks out and sees the girl working with a cheerful smile on her face as she does what she'd been assigned to do. He goes to the side and observes for a few more minutes before deciding this child was a natural at the register and selling other items the customers hadn't considered buying before.

 _In a few more years- when her dad won't murder me- maybe I'll hire the kid,_ he thinks as he notices Manly Dan start to walk back into the shop.

Quickly he goes over and takes the girl from the register and sets her on the other side of the counter while praising her good work before attending to the last two customers and sending them on their way to wherever they were going.

"Gonna buy the axe?" Stanford demands.

"I will!"

The larger man slams the money on the counter and turns to his children. "Let's go chop down some trees!"

"Could I stay here?" Wendy asks, causing Stanford to nearly choke on his own spit.

"Why?" Her father demands.

She smiles. "I like it here, it's fun!"

Manly Dan looks at his daughter for a while before turning to Stanford. "Would she be able to stay and work here?"

 _Really? I thought I could get away with child labor once!_ He thought, before remembering that he had to answer this man's question. "Yeah, but since she's a kid she'll have to get a lower payment than the rest of my employees."

"I don't mind!" Wendy assures.

"I don't either," Many Dan says before turning. "Drop her off at home when she's done here!"

And just like that Stanford Pines had another employee.

* * *

HAT: Sorry it came out so late, but every time I wrote more I forgot to save it and ended up turning my computer off, I'm so sorry!

Bill: I-

HAT: What did the contract say?

Bill: *sulks* Not to come out until requested.

HAT: And you're requested when?

Bill: The next chapter.

HAT: Well, it's too late anyway, go ahead and say it while I make some rearrangements.

Bill: *blinks* Um... review. *notices sharp look from HAT* Uh- please?


	5. Bloody Problems

HAT: This is one of those longer chapters- especially since there's a lot more dialogue.

 **Disclaimer: I- sadly- don't own Gravity Falls... but I own the one OC in this** **story (you may have seen her before) so there's a bright side... ONWARD, AOSHIMA!**

* * *

It's bad enough to have one kid to look after whose guardian will take out her fun in two seconds flat if something were to happen to her grandson, but to have another child whose father would either pound him to ship him to bits should anything happen to his daughter is something Stanford had never thought he'd end up doing. He wishes he could say that the older of the two could fend for himself and not be watched so closely all of the time, but he'd be telling a lie because the young man-child was just as clumsy as before. He can only hope that this won't end with his life ended.

The first day was quite something.

 _"Mr. Pines, why is this kid behind the register?" Soos had asked, pointing to the redheaded girl._

 _"She's your coworker now. Treat her with care and respect," Stanford says, thinking of the punishment he would get if he didn't._

 _"Oh, okay. Can I go introduce myself to her?"_

 _"Sure..."_

 _The teen walks over to the preteen and gives her a smile. "Hi, I'm Soos. What's your name?"_

 _"I'm Wendy."_

 _"Nice to meet you Wendy. So I hear you're working for Mr. Pines now. I work for him too."_

 _Wendy casts a glance towards Stanford and the man nods that it is the truth before she turns her attention back to her coworker. "Cool! What's it like working here?"_

 _"It's never boring- I'll tell ya that! Mr. Pines is a great boss and he's always looking out for me so I'm sure he'll look out for you, too."_

 _She smiles, like she's glad that this is the establishment that she ended up in and that her boss is such a caring man. Something tells Stanford that this view that she has will change drastically sooner or later as she gets to know him._

"Mr. Pines, can I have something to eat?"

Stanford snaps out of his stupor and looks down at his youngest employee and finds her staring up at him with big, hopeful brown eyes (an interesting face, her left eye had a splash of green on the upper right part of her iris). "Didn't your dad give you something to eat?"

She gives him a look. "He expects you to feed me, Mr. Pines."

 _Note to self: talk to Manly Dan_ again, he thinks as he sighs. "Fine, give me a second."

He goes into his kitchen and gets the cold pizza from the night before and places the box in front of her. "There. _Bon appetite_."

Wendy accepts the food and says. "Thank you!"

She's about to dig in when he stops her, a childhood practice gnawing at him. "Say your grace," he grunts, reminding himself of his own father.

The girl gives him a confused look. "Say what?"

"Your grace," he says again, but when her face doesn't change he sighs. "Basically it means you thank God for your food."

"How do you do that?"

 _I know you're laughing at me, dad,_ Stanford thinks, a vivid image of himself and his brother having to be scolded every time they didn't say their grace. He hadn't had to teach Soos how to say his grace because his grandmother had taught him, Stan just reminded him to do it so it's new to teach this girl how to do something he's known how to do and done without thought for quite a few decades of his life.

(A/N: Yes, I'm adding this because I figured that- even though he doesn't seem like it- he was probably raised that way like a good portion of the population back then and still practices it a little, but not all the way... kinda like Madea I suppose (look Madea up if you don't know, add Tyler Perry to it to get a more thorough search))

"Um... Well, you put your hands together like this... and- uh- bow your head and close your eyes... I said close your eyes," he grunts, noticing her peeking at her and digs into his memory for the prayer his father taught him and his brother in the beginning when they were children. "And you- uh... say... 'God is great...' Go on, repeat after me."

"God is great," she parrots.

"God is good."

"God is good."

He claws for the words mentally, but manages to find them little by little. "Let us... thank him for our food."

"Let us thank him for our food."

"Bow our heads, we are fed."

"Bow our heads, we are fed."

"Thank you for our daily bread."

"Thank you for our daily bread."

"Amen."

"Amen."

He lifts his head and finds that she hasn't done the same and clears his throat. "Amen is what you say at the end of a prayer so that means you can dig in."

She nods and starts eating her food. Obviously she doesn't understand what he's taught her, but he's satisfied that she knows all the same. Granted he hasn't followed the religion he calls his own the way he should, but with all the supernatural things that's happened and what he's trying to accomplish he- as he keeps telling himself for reassurance- doesn't have the time. He can't do what his father's instilled in him since he could barely spell his name to pray and read his bible without losing interest or trailing off which is why he's come to the thought that because of this and his greed he's going to hell. The least he could do is plant a small seed in the children so that they don't go where he does.

 _Dad, stop living through me!_ Stanford thinks, but quickly discards all previous thoughts when he sees the girl's eating slow. He glances in the box and finds that out of the four massive slices that were left in the box from the previous night there were two left. He finds that the girl has half of one massive slice left on her plate and silently commends her for her ability to put down in such a way.

"You're gonna eat yourself sick," he deadpans.

"But it's so good!"

"If you eat more than you should and you end up throwing up what's the point of eating?"

"But I don't like wasting food," she murmurs.

With a sigh he picks up the slice. "I'll eat it, okay?"

"Okay!"

When she sits there and looks at him and pauses. "Um... what're you doing?"

"Making sure you don't waste it."

He briefly wonders what type of home life she has, but quickly discards it as he eats the cold pizza. When she sees that he's finished even the crust she smiles and goes back to work.

Children- he decides- are strange and he'll more than likely won't understand them like he had when he was a child (and even then he had trouble understanding other children. He never understood why they teased him for being the way he was).

After about an hour of routine working he feels the need to go to the bathroom and wash his hands after handling one of the more disgusting things that he's had to put on display and he tries to open the door to find that it's locked. He stays there for a few seconds before his patience starts to thin.

"Hey, hurry up in there!" He shouts, pounding on the door. He turns up his hearing aid so that he can hear for a response, but instead he hears crying. Upon turning up the hearing aid even more he learns that it is Wendy's crying. "Wendy? Are you alright in there?"

The sounds die down with a choking noise and all the worst scenarios play in his mind of what's happening in there. He could imagine her drowning in the bathtub or cuts on her wrist or someone got in and was hurting her.

He knocks again. "Wendy, open up! What's wrong?"

When he again gets no response he backs up and slams into the door with his shoulder first and the door gives away and he immediately looks for danger, but instead finds the girl in bloody pants with tear stains all on her face.

"I-I'm dying," she says, sobbing once again.

 _Crap. Isn't her dad supposed to deal with this?! Why me?!_ That wasn't what he was thinking, but it was along the lines of it. "Calm down, you're not dying..." he assures, grabbing a plastic bag, towels and a washcloth that he's sure he will discard later. "Now, I want you to take a shower and I'll be back in about fifteen minutes. Put all the bloody things in this plastic bag, okay? Once you're done I'll have clothes right outside the door for you, okay?"

"O-okay... what's happening to me?"

"I'll explain later, for now get in the shower- not a bath, an actual shower," he grumbles after setting the towels and washcloths in the proper place. He walks out and finds Soos. "Don't let anyone near the bathroom and don't go near there _at all_ , understand?"

"Yes, sir, but... why?"

"Wendy's getting cleaned up and if anything happens I hold _you_ responsible," Stanford growls, pointing a calloused finger in his teenaged employee's face.

"Yes, sir, Mr. Pines, sir," Soos assures, a serious look on his face that assures Stan that he has nothing to worry about.

"I'll be back in fifteen minutes," Stanford grunts as he walks out of the Mystery Shack, mournfully casting a glance towards customers he won't be able to scam.

 _This is more important at the moment,_ he reassures himself and rushes to the store. He'd be _damned_ if he didn't get done with shopping in five minutes so he could call the girl's father and have _him_ deal with his daughter. _This is what I get for hiring a girl so young and being a_ good _and_ caring _boss._

He rushes into the store and goes into the isle that he's avoided like the plague since he learned its whereabouts. He figured it'd be easy to find something for the girl, but _no_. That'd be too easy for the conman. No, this store had _variety_ and he had no idea what to get out of that variety. He had only started really find out about it because his niece-in-law had practically forced him to when she had her twins- one of them being a girl. _In case anything happens to us_ was her excuse, but that didn't mean Stanford was ready to give that speech.

"Sir? Do you need help?"

He turns and sees a dark skinned woman with curly salt-n-pepper hair and violet eyes (A/N: Yes, she's in everything dealing with periods! Reoccurring character!) in the store uniform standing at the end of the isle.

"Yes."

"This her first time?"

"Yes," he says, discarding the fact that this woman thinks that this girl is related to him somehow. "I gotta get back fast so..."

The woman grabs wipes, pads, and pantyliners. "This is what you'll need."

"So _expensive_ ," he grunts when he looks at the price.

"The cheap things aren't good for her which is why the more expensive, name brand ones are the best ones."

 _Don't want her dying,_ he thinks. "Okay."

"I'll check you out," she says, carrying the items to the cash register.

He _could have_ made a pass at her- after all, she was an attractive woman- but now wasn't the time to be flirting. He had to get back to the Mystery Shack _yesterday_. When he's handed the bag he tells the woman "thank you" and runs out the door to his car and before he can comprehend anything else he's on the road speeding towards the Shack. When he gets there he rushes to the bathroom to hear the water still doing so he has enough time to call this girl's father and get _him_ have that talk with his daughter.

He picks up the phone and dials the memorized number and taps his foot while he waits for an answer.

"Hello?"

"Hello, Manly Dan!" Stanford replies hurriedly. "It's Stanford Pines."

"What is it?"

"Well... there's a situation with your daughter that-"

" _What happened?!_ "

"Nothing bad, she just needs a change of clothes," Stanford says, rather wanting to get this over with before remembering that clothes usually translates pants and a shirt and quickly adds, "Everything, underwear, pants, shirt- everything."

"I'm on my way."

Stanford hands up after he hears the click and takes off his fez and runs a hand through his silver hair. "What'd I do to get this?" He goes back upstairs and hears the water turn off and when the door's about to be opened he grabs the handle and pulls it toward him to keep it closed and holds it there despite how the girl tries to open it. "Whoa, there."

"What do I do now?" Wendy asks through the door.

"Sit on the toilet and dry yourself a bit, but don't get up," he replies while pinching the bridge of his nose between his forefinger, middle finger, and thumb while thinking about how he should get _paid_ for this. "I called your dad and he's on his way with some clothes for you."

"Okay," she replies.

When he hears her sit on the toilet he walks off and rubs his temples, cursing as quietly as he can since he has minors and curse words are very unprofessional. He can curse like a sailor and after leaving his nephew with his mother years ago he'd gotten out of not cursing when there isn't a tour going on, but his filter has become one of the best ever since he'd gotten Soos as an employee and even better when Wendy came around. It'd gotten to the point that even when he was alone he'd say some random words in place of curse words.

When he hears a knock on the door he goes to answer it and sees Manly Dan. "Come in, come in."

"Where is she?"

"In the bathroom- she got done taking a shower not too long ago. You need to have _the womanhood talk_ with her."

His red eyebrows knit together in confusion. "What?"

 _Oh, geez,_ Stanford thinks. "You know that thing women get once a month? Well, her first just happened. She thought she was dying."

And suddenly the largest and one of the manliest men in Gravity Falls looked like a squeamish boy again. "I-I have to talk to her about _that_?"

"Uh, yeah, you are her dad," Stanford replies. "She's not my kid."

"What's she going now?"

"I told her to sit on the toilet and dry off in the shower when she finished up, the stuff's outside the door. Good luck with that," Stanford quickly says as he grabs his fez and makes for the door.

"Wait!"

Stanford shuts the door and decides a nice drive- for, oh a couple of hours- would be nice. He'd go back to the Shack later when he's sure that it's safe to go back- Soos wouldn't leave until he got back so it was in safe hands. Besides, he might get the chance to flirt with that pretty woman from the store if he runs into her. For now he just revels in the fact that _he_ doesn't have to deal with telling the girl about her journey to womanhood.

 _Good thing I don't have to do that,_ he thinks, forgetting he has a great niece for the moment.

* * *

HAT: But- oh- you did- or at least in that one chapter of that one story!

Stanford: I hate you.

Stanley: Did you have to give that talk to Mabel?

Stanford: *glares at Stanley* Shut up! *crosses arms and looks away as he grumbles* I don't wanna talk about it...

HAT: *pokes both their cheeks* Pooooooke...

Stanley: Do you need mental help?

HAT: Nope! I just need y'all da tell them the thing.

Stanford: I swear, the only time she has an accent's when she says "y'all."

HAT: *glares* My parents don't exactly have accents since they traveled a lot and it's common to day y'all.

Stanley: Uh-huh... Down south and apparently in Connecticut.

HAT: *sighs* Just say it, please.

Stans: Review! *glared at by HAT and sigh* Please...

HAT: *points at them* You're where Dipper gets not saying please from!

Stans: No we're not.

HAT: *sighs* Never mind...


	6. Wearing Them Out (Part 1)

HAT: I hope that the new episode that some on tonight reaches the expectations of my mental fantiction of how things go otherwise I'll be really disappointed (lol, loved that when I watched the commercial).

 **Disclaimer: LOG, LOG! It's big, it's- *blinks at camera* Oh... it's on? *pauses Naruto Abridged* Um... I don't own anything, but the plot... errr-** **ONWARD, AOSHIMA!**

* * *

Sometimes it's hard to remember that his two employees are children. Granted one is in high school and will graduate in about a year, but he was still young (and acted like a child for sure). Stanford had gotten to the point in which work was all he was thinking about and fun was something that he could have at his leisure in his own way (sometimes with either a cold beer or soda in front of the television), but children were easily distracted and wanted to have fun.

Why would this man think about this when normally his mind is on how to make money? Well, said employees are goofing off for the eighth time today... and they had only been here for two hours. He had snapped at them a few times and the rest he just fives them a look and they went back to working like they were told until eventually they ended up goofing off again. Luckily they haven't broken anything in the shop or themselves, but there was a lot of time left to do so.

 _What can I do to get all this energy outta them?_ Stan wonders as he hears them laughing and playing some game again.

He sighs and leans back in his chair in the office. It was in-between tours and he wasn't due for another tour for the rest of the day so that left him to do godforsaken paperwork that he feels that he doesn't necessarily have to do- or rather- shouldn't have to do. Still, he needs a way to occupy and exhaust his workers for an hour at least so that there won't be any trouble later on. He knows that some of the plans that he has in mind aren't exactly for kids- more for himself away from the kids- but he remembers a few games that he played with his brother that he's too old to do anymore.

The sound of merchandise breaking is enough to make him fly from his seat and into the gift shop where he left his underaged employees. Probably not the best idea in retrospect, but given his lack of responsibility there is little hope of that happening.

As soon as he enters the gift shop he is greeted with the sight of both of his employees standing beside a broken Mystery Shack plate with guilty looks on their faces. It was hard to choose which one looked more terrified- the little girl with developing tears in her eyes, or the terrified young man with tears already in his eyes.

Stanford (A/N: I don't care if he's actually Stanley, I've gotten way too far in my stories to go back and change everything! Though future stories will have that correction) counts to ten slowly, taking a deep breath while doing so and tries to remember that he brought this on himself. If he hadn't hired these two, this wouldn't have happened- but then again, he needed the cheap labor. If he needed to, he would just get another plate and paint it like he did this one.

Right now he needs to channel his inner parent- the one that had patience- no matter how deep it was inside of him.

"What happened?" He demands with a strained voice.

"W-we were playing a game and I was being clumsy again," Soos replies, rubbing the back of his head. "We're sorry Mr. Pines, I'll clean it up."

Wendy nods her agreement and Stanford crosses his arms over his chest. "Alright- after you do that, you two are coming with me."

He's sure by the look of sheer terror in their eyes that they were afraid he was going to tell their guardians that they had broken his merchandise and would have to pay for it, but- despite how tempting that is- he had a bit more integrity than that for the parents of these children. One is a grandmother with a job that doesn't pay her what she deserves, and the other is a single father with four children to feed, he wasn't _that_ heartless... though tourists on the other hand, he would squeeze every penny out of them that he could.

He grabs his keys and goes out to stand in the front. This is the slow part of business and it wouldn't pick back up until after lunch so he had a good two hours before he absolutely _has_ to come back to the Shack for the next tour so that mens that he can distract his energized employees for about an hour and a half.

The keys twirl and stop when he catches them, twirl and catch. He goes this- as he usually does- as he waits for them to come out and tries to think of something to do. When the door finally opens he catches the keys and looks at the two of them- still looking like kicked puppies that are afraid to get kicked again. It's a bit much, but no one ever said that children weren't great actors when they wanted to be to get out of whatever trouble that they were in.

"In the car," he grunts and unlocks the door and gets into the driver's seat.

"Where're we going?" Wendy asks with a quivering voice.

He sighs as he starts the car. "You two can stop acting so scared, I'm just taking you somewhere to get your energy out."

"Huh?"

He doesn't say anymore and starts driving to a nearby clearing that he knows that no one ever goes into- it was a place he often went to at one time in his youth, but he had avoided it for decades. It's the perfect place for them to get their energy out- maybe it will exhaust them enough that they can do their jobs with no distraction. He pulls into the dirt road and parks a few yards from the clearing and turns off the car and opens his door.

"Alright, everyone out," he calls.

They clamber out of the car after him while he walks into the clearing and look around. Very little's changed in the few decades he hasn't been here- there's a tree leaning on another tree and a few more animal paths that he doesn't remember there being.

"What're we're we supposed to do here?" Soos asks.

 _Ugh, kids these days,_ he thinks with an audible grown. "Look, I know that you've been brainwashed by media and all that to not do anything physical, but the outdoors is your playground. Climb a tree or chase each other- y'know, kids stuff." When he still gets stares he sighs and scratches his chin and looks around for something to sees his ticket to gaining their interest and tries to measure up how his aged body will hold up to the temporary abuse. _I'm gonna regret this._

He runs forward and uses a long fallen tree to jump off and land on the tree that leans on another and climbs up before turning and jumping to sturdy branch and pulling himself up to sit on it with a satisfied grin. He's surprised he can still do half the stuff that he just did. He'd put on quite a few pounds and tried to avoid physical activity whenever possible so to be able to get up there was impressive for him and- apparently- the minors standing on the ground and staring at him in awe.

"How'd you do that?" Wendy asks.

"Years of practice. I used to _play outside_ when I was a kid," he informs and climbs down carefully. "But you should probably stay with the simple stuff."

He leans against a tree and watches the two climb the trees and try to copy what he did without him noticing and halting that effort.

"Mr. Pines, look at me!" He looks up at Wendy standing on a branch with one hand up and the other on the trunk of the tree a little too high for him to be comfortable with. "I'm queen of the world!"

 _Don't you dare fall,_ he thinks as he goes to stand closer to the tree. "That's nice, kid. Do you wanna come down a few branches?"

"Nope!" She giggles and then- as if they knew how to make him mad constantly- a raccoon pushes the girl off.

"Wendy!" Soos shouts in alarm.

 _I hate my life sometimes,_ Stanford thinks as he holds his arms out to catch the girl. He _does_ catch the girl- luckily- but she weights more than he expects and ends up on the ground with the girl on his chest making it difficult to breathe. _Why does this seem so familiar?_

"Get... off," he wheezes in-between attempts of breath.

"Sorry!" She instantly jumps up and crouches beside him. "Thanks for saving me, Mr. Pines."

"Yeah, whatever," he grunts as he gets up. "Ow, everything hurts."

"You dudes okay?" Soos asks.

"I'm okay," Wendy says.

Stan pops his back as he straightens up and sighs. "Yeah, I'm good." He turns to Wendy. "You gotta be more careful, kid, you could've got seriously hurt."

"Yes, sir," she murmurs with her eyes to the ground and a pout on her face.

He ruffles her hair. "Don't worry about it. C'mon, we can get a snack or something before we go back to the Shack."

"Snack time! Snack time! Snack time!" Cheers the minors.

"Can we have tacos?" Soos asks.

"Yeah, I want tacos," Wendy replies.

"I guess we can have tacos."

-Three Tacos Later And A Sleepy Ten Minutes Later-

"Do you think we should wake him up?" The redhead asks warily.

Soos shakes his head. "Nah, he needs the sleep. Let's just go around and have some fun. There's this arcade that I always go to in town- wanna come?"

"Sure!"

The two leave Stan in the car- after they lock the door- and run off into town.

* * *

HAT: Oh, this outta be good. Also: GRAVITY FALLS! I'm _so_ looking forward to the newest episode, every time the commercial comes on I get so excited and fangirl all over again (it's not weird).

Soos: Maybe you shouldn't watch it-

HAT: Say that again and I'll throw you to the molepeople.

Soos: *holds up hands* Dude, calm down, you can watch it!

HAT: *laughs nervously* S-sorry, Soos, it's just... I've been looking forward to this for a few months now and... I'm just really excited to see it- y'know?

Soos: I can totally understand- though it'd be nice if you stopped squealing.

HAT: That... wasn't me.

Stanley: *runs with Dipper squealing and clinging to his head* Get him off of me!

Soos: I think you dude better review.

HAT: *laughs and points at Stanley* Ha! That's what you get!


End file.
